On the 30th of April 2014, I set a goal: to lose 40kg! Something I never actually thought I would achieve…it was just a number! So firstly, I’ll start by saying this has by far been the hardest, best, most frustrating, lengthy, eye opening, amazing, emotional, fun, torturous, most rewarding experience I have ever had! And I’m not even there yet!
If anything was going to make me fly into a screaming rage, smashing my scales through a window, it would have been seeing them change up and down on a daily basis…by 100g, 300g, 500g, 150g, 200g, even a kg. Getting that one number; “I just need to see it! 40kg lost, then I’ll never weigh myself again!” I have tried physically jumping up and down on the scales, resetting them, shaking them profusely, I even tried putting new batteries in them in the hopes they would change. I waited a week, 2 weeks, 3… tried again, nothing… they actually went up! I’ve tried clothes, no clothes, not eating beforehand, not drinking, going for a run, then weighing my myself again and nothing! It’s hard to believe that this simple tile-like object with an illuminated number can send someone into such a psycho state.
It not only changes your entire outlook on a day, but also how you see your entire journey until this point. One number; I got 150g from that ‘holy grail’ number I need to see. And 39.85kg lost simply wasn’t good enough in my head. I told myself; “I can’t celebrate that number… it’s not 40! I’m not there yet!” I have been letting this define my success up until this point as mediocre.
So instead of sitting in my neurotic state of frustration and self-sabotage, I was encouraged to make a list of 40 things I have done in the last 2.5 years since losing this weight (Thanks Matt). The list was easy! Tough Mudder, running a half marathon, running 7300+ stairs at the MCG, hiking, giving up takeaway, starting new jobs, getting into a size 8, paying off debts, starting a new business. Travelling, ziplining, stand up paddle boarding, surfing, snorkelling, meditating, doing yoga, boxing, teaching myself how to cook… a lot has changed! I have done so much, I know! Things I would never have imagined… I am a completely different person!
I have fallen in love with fitness and health, and yet the old Ebony still wants to go and eat the carton of coconut ice cream in the freezer! I guess the main difference is that the old Ebony wouldn’t have stopped at that. She wouldn’t have already done food prep for the week knowing that the minute she caved and ate it that she would get right back on track for the next meal. She wouldn’t have loved doing the 1000 steps and an ocean swim today like I did… she would have just gone to KFC. With this new profound lifestyle, setting new goals has been the hardest thing as of late. I’ve been adding and ticking another thing off the list like a robot without actually celebrating the success of what I have achieved. I absolutely love doing each event but then I’m constantly striving for the next best thing. I can’t just relax and enjoy the process.
I’m starting to realise that I need to discover who the new Ebony is rather than what I can do. I know I can do anything that I set my mind to, there is no doubt about that. I’m fit and strong, both in mind and body! But it is adjusting to this new me and this healthy life without the fear of going back that I find the hardest. There will always be a fear of putting back on the weight and losing the health I have gained. I believe this fear is actually the one thing that will keep me on the right path. Knowing what can happen if I lose track of the bigger picture. I know I will never go back; I’ve worked way too hard for that.
I am loving this life I am creating for myself and am loving the people I am surrounding myself with who share the same values. And as hard as it is, I know I will hit that bloody 40! So stay tuned! The journey will always continue… and I plan to have some fun in the process! In saying all of this, I would not have been able to achieve any of it without my number one supporter and trainer, Jordy.
Thank you for constantly supporting me, guiding me and kicking my arse! Every lesson you have taught me has been invaluable and you’re constantly pushing me to become a better version of myself. Without the support of Jordy, Matt and Annette at Assist Personal Training in Lilydale, I certainly wouldn’t have made it this far and seen my health as a priority.