And I thought turning 30 was difficult! Here I am on the eve of my 38th birthday and it very much started to resemble how I spent my 30th birthday, in tears and looking at where I expected my life to be by now and realising why it’s not.
When the storm of these moments hit, I have two choices.
I can make excuses and find reasons, situations or people to blame or I can accept that I am actually responsible for it all.
My 30th birthday was the first time I turned around and realised that the only person who truly needed to care about me, was actually me. I got busy, head down bum up, made changes from within and went about my way to turn my life around. My 30’s truly felt like a new beginning and while many new friends came into my life, special ones from my past were always held dear to my heart as they saw my potential even when I didn’t. Sometimes all we need to do is create an opportunity for ourselves and drive it like a mad bull.
In amongst all the hard work though, I fell back into old habits and the last few years I became that person who once again started picking up the pieces of those who needed to be put back together, only to leave no time or energy for myself.
I made a promise to myself after my 30th birthday that I would work on improving myself both mentally and physically every year so that I improved with age, kind of like a fine wine haha! I am extremely tough on myself and expect a lot from myself. This year I’ve been gearing myself up to start stepping back a little more so I once again stop putting myself second.
The control freak in me has had a hard time handing over my current pt sessions to Matt as of Monday but when you start to dislike the person you are becoming, something has got to give and this time, I chose not to give myself away any more than I have but rather rebuild.
I accept the fact that that I don’t fit the norm of most 38 year old women, I realise I am on a journey of self discovery, repairing and growth again and I look forward to new beginnings, a year of fine tuning, health, wellness, happiness, lots of training, me time, acceptance and forgiveness.
I appreciate the journey I’m on, respect that I am responsible for my choices and reflect on all I have to be grateful for.
Sometimes we just need reminders and for me, writing helps me make sense of my feelings. I thought I may as well be brave and share it as I know I’m not the only one who has these occasional birthday meltdowns!
Happy reflection/birthday to me lol! I’m off to eat my gluten free, dairy free, fructose free, soy free, nutrient depleted chocolate birthday cake that actually still tastes delicious!